Watching Someone Coach My Son Is Like Watching Someone Date My Daughter

 

So this weekend was my 8 year old’s first basketball game.  I come from a home where we lived and breathed basketball.  I am happy to say, that my dad was easily one of the best coaches ever.  He was the very model of what a coach should be for young children just learning the game.  He was all about fundamentals, and kids just having fun.  Everyone got to play, and everyone got to learn.  And, he was always positive.  Yes, he coached them and guided them to better basketball skills, but he did it through love and positivity.  This is not my son’s coach.  Similar to boys that will one day date my daughters, I am now wondering if any coach will ever be good enough for my son.

I complained that coach did not know what he was doing with low post players, that he did not sub the kids in and out enough, that his son played too much, that his son touched the ball too much, that he was letting his son stay alive and on and on.  This coach could not do right by me.  Never mind that the man was spending three days of his week volunteering his time with my child while I sat on the bleachers sipping my Slurpie and checking my Android for very important Facebook updates about Star Wars.

Funny enough, my son only played about half the game, and touched the ball about 3 times.  Yet, he had a blast.  In fact, where it not for his dad saying how badly he was being mistreated, my son would have thought it was the greatest day of his life. 

Oh no, am I becoming one of those parents? L    

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How to Give Career Advice to Kids

 

 

I saw this diagram as an adult and just loved it! My kids are always asking what they should be when they grow up. My parents without question gave the advice of, "Do what you love, and the money will follow." It was such a great thing to tell a child. Unfortunately, their advice could not have been more incorrect! I did what I love and became a marriage therapist. I should say, “I became poor!” And, I am even on the higher end of the pay scale for therapists because I have a PhD!

So, what to tell a child? I talk to my children now about the diagram above as a good foundation to start the conversation. You have to find a job that you love, you're good at (or can get good at) and that pays well. Usually, their next question is, "So, which jobs make money?"

In our family, we have come up with one main prerequisite for a job to earn money. The prerequisite is that there must be a high barrier for entry, and thus a low supply of workers. An example would be a doctor. Medical school is so difficult, long, and expensive, it keeps most would be docs far away from this profession. Another example of a high paying profession is engineers. But, think about being an engineer, you have to do math all day! That automatically takes out about half of the population that hates math.

In the end, if you want a high paying job, you’re going to have to do the work no one else either can or wants to do. Or, as the diagram above shows, do what you love, just be ready to be happy but poor. And, in my experience, poor does not equal happy :) Yes you can find happiness anywhere, but as the Everclear song said, "I hate people who try to tell me money is the root of all that kills. They have never been poor. They have never had the joy of a welfare Christmas."

How to Be Better than Facebook

So, in addition to being a geek dad who loves or even lusts after geeky things:), I also have a PhD in marriage and family therapy.  Yay! So, for me part of writing this blog about being a geek dad, is also about writing this blog about being a dad and a husband.  Thus, from time to time, I will include a few things I have learned from time to time to help us all be better spouses and parents in our own little galaxy of the geek universes we inhabit. 

Now, I know many of us, myself included, feel that Facebook is the end all be all to keeping family members updated on the goings and comings of our lives.  It is so convenient right?  It truly is.  I am not a Facebook hater.  In fact, I update the vast majority of my friends and family members by way of photos and videos on Facebook.  I don’t even describe the pictures usually! 

However, I do believe there is something to be said in receiving hand written items in that thing we call the mailbox.  For some reason, it just seems like you care more when you go through the process of picking out the pen, the paper, the envelope, the stamp, writing down the address, and personalizing a message to someone.  I guess the reason it seems like you care more is that it takes more care to do it.

Each week, I write a letter to two people in my life that I fell appreciate getting letters from me.  I don’t think they hang on my every word or anything.  I just think they enjoy opening the mailbox and seeing an update on my crazy family with 6 children.  Both of these people are close enough with us as a family, that they would appreciate being in the know of our lives.  More important than that, I think they just like the feeling that perhaps they have not been forgotten.  Or, that they are important to someone. 

Thus, if you can, write someone a hand written Birthday note, or an anniversary wish.  Use stamps.  Let someone know they are important and meaningful to you. 

How to Be a Good Parent While Throwing Nutrition Out the Window

My wife is a genius of the kid kind.  Meaning, she is a genius with kids.We have 6 children, so she has been practicing her genius kid skills for some time.  Well, one of the things she did recently that my kids just adore is date night.

Once a week, on Thursdays, my wife and I separately choose a child and take them on a dessert date.  They get to go to whatever place they want and order whatever dessert they want. My favorite thus far is my 6 year old son who always wants Burger King, where he samples a different dessert each time we go.  I even usually try to overdo it (at least in his mind) and let him get 2 desserts.

Even though this is a little bit of a stretch financially and time wise, I find it to be a great relationship builder with the kids.  They are more than happy to talk about real events happening in their life while we are out having fun together.  It has been a great way to open up conversation with the kids, and allow us the opportunity to establish with the kids that we care about each one of them individually.

Obnoxious Unsolicited Advice: Take your child out on dates where you both get a good treat.  Enjoy the relationship that you are building.  Splurge and get the extra dessert.Strengthening the relationship is the focus, not teaching a lesson about nutritionJ